Waiting for the sun..

It's early, it's late, I'm not quite awake.. (Also, no snow just yet..)

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:50:03 GMT

After getting out of my last lesson at 8:00 pm last night, I got home, made dinner from scratch, to both myself and a friend (seriously, all I had was soup I made a couple of days ago and an omelet I made with whatever was left from the spinach and goat cheese..),
Went to friend's place to zone out and relax a little, got home way to late (around 3..) took a shower and went to sleep, and woke up about 3 hrs later, to get to wash my face before the maintenance people came over to fix the panels in our bathroom, and the leek, which apparaently was coming from the floor upstairs.. This building is so falling apart.. Darn 'Africa Israel' company saving on work and decent building materials, and ripping us off with no shame..
Found myself making Masala Chai to the workers, who were very impressed with how clean the apartment was (apparently there are some really dirty apartments in here..)..
In any case, I am now up and all dressed up, not quite awake, massive headache, from lack of sleep, and no caffeine (that is except for the,what now seems, minuscule amount of caffeine I had in my green tea..).
Conflicting whether to go out in the cold and get to Uni, and try to get some work done/study there, or whether to try and do the improbable and study here (which is unlikable indeed..)..
The going back to sleep, is, most unfortunately, no longer a possible option..

Me so tired...

And also, I was greatly disappointed/ sad that no-one replied to my former post, not comments whatsoever, I worked hard on typing all those beautiful Machi Tawara's poems, wrestling with the Japanese conversion system, to type the Japanese version, I even tried for the lines to be accurate, for the syllables to sound right..
And not a line.. Not: "Oh, thank you for introducing me to this fine poet", or "Nice stuff" or even "not really my style, but interesting".. Nothing..
I guess, if no-one reads it, I shouldn't try so hard the next time.. *sniff, sniff*

Not sure if it's raining outside right now or not.. They said it's (maybe) going to snow sometime today/ tomorrow, not a sign of it yet, but it sure is freakishly cold and windy..I wish it weren't so goddamn cold, I rwally should go to Uni. I can't possibly get much school work done in here...
Darn it.. and I almost forgot I got my "perach" kid today, how am going to handle that one, I wonder..

Ah! Music, Quality Alcohol and Good friends, Who dares complaining..?

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 00:09:49 GMT

This is just to say-
I love you guys!! Thank you so much for the wonderful Birthday prezzies!
This sure makes up for the not so very successful day I've had on the actual date (having ensemble madness and all..).
Those of you who were at hagar_972 Today, and those who weren't (In particularly Ilana and Mel, Hugs and love to you both! :) )
I recently arrived to JM again and I'm rather sleepy and my throat is feeling a little sore..(Weather changes and all..) So
I won't go on right now.. But Thank you! It's a real bliss to know that people care about you, and to have you all in my life is a privilege and an honor. :) (Even without the Glenfiddich and all, just the hugs and thought you put into it(Though it is a wonderful gift indeed.. :) ))

I've joined the dark side..

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 17:26:30 GMT

After much resistance to this whole concept, I've finally done it..
I've added a link to my wish-List..
Just so you know, I'm not really expecting anything, but for those of you who've had troubles figuring my preferences, this should give you a better orientation..

Of course I appreciate Music, books and good Alcohol..

But really, just a hug, a toke, and taking me for a drink to drown the horrid fact that another year have flown by so damn quickly and sneakishly.. Would be sufficient and good. :)

All work and no sleep make May a weary lass..

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 15:24:45 GMT

Moved most of my stuff to the new apartment..
Got 3 hours of sleep last night..
Still got the bathroom and toilet to clean thoroughly in the new apartment, and should also clean in here a little before we leave this apartment to the renovators...(Nevermind that they're gonna mess the whole place up anyhow..)
Oh, and move the stuff from the fridge, and the stuff from the bath...
And call the technician guy to set up the internet in the new flat...
And the exam in Tibetan this week to which I still haven't started studying for.. (not thinking about all the horrid stream of exams to follow...)

Ahhh!!!

Wo hen lei le.. (I've gotten oh so very tired (Chinese this time..)

Should probably go rest now..

Grr..Perfect timing, just splendid..
Evil, evil bureaucracy..

Jerusalem and Global warming, what a lovely combination..

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:47:56 GMT

I've heard about April showers (which is rare enough in this country as it is..) But May showers? In Israel? with hail?!? This is ridiculous! And people say they're not sure about the effects of global warming.. Wake up!!
Was at the the "Student's day" evening performances last night, it was nice, nostalgic (and crowded and stuffy, and I got blue bruises in various locations, to prove it..), it rained a little, and "Shotei Hanvua" had to stop performing,(scared to get electrocuted..those cowards..) but they came back on after about 15 minutes..
Suddenly had flashbacks of all those Festivals I've been in 6 or so years ago.. Wasn't as hippie and cute, and I think "Shotei" started taking the wrong substance cause they did some strange 'trance' bit..but the whole thing was still nice, and Shalom Hanoch can still give a good show..(I'll write about it next time..)
Now I'm waiting for the rain to take a break, so I can take the bus to Givat Ram, "Monica Sex" Are going on stage only at 20:40, and all the others before them aren't all that interesting anyways, so I guess hiding in here for the meanwhile isn't so tragic.. :)

Mmm.. I think I'll go back to my book.. As I'm not really in the mood for studying..

Night hallucinations of the shattered mind..

Fri, 04 May 2007 01:30:39 GMT

I got a song from the Anne of Green Gables" musical I went to, many years ago, when I was about 13-14, in P.E.I, stuck in my head:
The words
I can't find the words,
Can't get out the phrases.
Just when he needed love
Did I sing his praises?
Where do the words go
When I was before him?
Why couldn't I show all the love that my heart, felt
toward him!
I adored him,
God reward him!
I can’t find the words.

It was beautifully sung by the actress who played Marilla after Matthew's death..

Ahh, I should go to sleep.. too many things on my mind, no energy to focus on any..
Hopefully tomorrow will be fruitful and productive (at least somewhat productive..)

Insomnia revisited..

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 13:51:27 GMT

Ahh.. I give up..join the herd and post this annoying flash thingie that has been decorating my friends' page in the last 5 days..

I wonder if I'll stay a cat for long...

Got internet!!

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 16:41:21 GMT

Hooray!!
I'm finally connected to civilization(at least in this way..). After a long day of pain and effort, after installing a modem, wrestling to actually be able to use the internet connection I'm bloody paying for, to get my password and username, people who are suppose to provide service of course referring me from one to the other [The Technician to the service provider, the service provider to the technician again, he on turn to the support center who wants nothing to do with detested clients like me that live in this god forsaken "student Village", and back to the service provider, who as it found out was simply illiterate and spelled the username I gave her (and spelled for her..) with about 4 wrong letters..]But at long last I got my internet!!
So, last night, after spending most of my day in the apartment, (on account of the very long-lasting student strike..) trying not entirely successfully to both study and get the internet connection to work.. I went out to get some stuff from the quickiemart downstairs and checked if a friend of mine from the dorms is in the the area, I called just in time as he was going to check if I was in Jerusalem to invite me over to some people's company and beer, (there was no need in persuading me..) Got there and found out it was a class gathering of all the Chinese first year students, they're such great people, and so nice, and cooperative,they even had a singing and playing part with songs in Chinese, and a chinese questionnaire (I was desperately trying to get some of the rust of what's left of my chinese..), and even though I was the only "outsider" I didn't feel misplaced at all.. I was in fact wondering, why the heck didn't I take Chinese, just to be in this great company of people! But at least now I'm slowly getting to know more good people, developing contacts..It's good. Feel less misfit and alone in this place.. Starting to feel more like home (still has some way to go though...)
On another note, as I went shopping for groceries today (actually I was going to get some good coffee at a good coffee place we have nearby and ended up doing some shopping while at it (as I was reflecting the empty refrigerator and the fact that it's almost lunch time and all I had for breakfast was tea and ginger..), and on my way back I decide to sit for a while in this strange garden with stone-benches (or whatever they are..) and a second after I sit down a sweet black cat comes straight on the bench where I'm sitting sniffs a little strokes against my sweater and most elegantly and naturally proclaims my lap as her new territory.. cuddling and looking highly comfortable, so after sitting there for about ten minutes with a very happy looking cat on my lap, I finally found a good chance to go home (and get my groceries in the fridge before they all defrost..) when a bird caught her eye sight and she jumped excitedly to lurk on it..

Ooops really must go now, I'm late got a bag to pack and clothes to wear, and I'm very late..

Ahh, but I got my google back!!

Out with the old, in with the Uni..(/post-bithday, pre-Uni,slightly hungover and a very drowsy post

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 13:41:43 GMT

Right.
Writing this post is going to be hard.. Been meaning to post an update for almost a month now, and couldn't find the time or energy to do so, though I've had quite a few things to post about.. Well, fuck mental/ physical energy and coherency, I'm just gonna try and make some sort of brief, brief summary of things and hope it works out somehow.. :) [Which is going to be somewhat difficult considering the amount of alcohol consumed last night and the serious lack of sleeping hours since.. After a week of arrangements, preparations, handling with residential and academical Bureaucracy, Friday came by, and I realized it's my birthday, (dammit!) and probably one of the last chances of seeing all my friends together, school free, and still nearby..So I ended up gathering all the happy mixture of people in a pub in K.S. Seems a bit questionable and too banal for hosting a bday party, but it turned out to be quite nice! Good people, good booze (and lots of it..), nice atmosphere, nice, non-earsplitting music, (and every once in a while really a really good song is played..), Ooh, and some prezzies..(and even though one person wasn't feeling too well (bad reaction to a medical prescription of allergy pills, most likely..), which was a shame, it was still really nice!! ]

Well, Tomorrow I'm starting the new academic year at HUJI, in Jerusalem, and I'll be moving my stuff and meself to the apartment in the new "Student village" compound( Where they rip you off, make you forfeit all your rights as a tenant, with almost all the regulations of the dorms only you have to pay for gas, water and electricity, but there's no property tax, and you get a nicer place that actually looks like a decent apartment (very compact and Ikea furnished..), and a room of one's own (which is very good!(Woolf knew what she was talking about..)), plus, I got the better deal, I only have one more roommate in the apartment which by a complete chance happens to be a first year M.A. student in the East-Asian studies department! (Chinese orientation, while I'm taking Japanese (Which is apparently considered much more esoteric in HUJI.. Go fig..))
Anywhos, I still need to pack all my stuff (well, at least the necessities for this week...), and clean up the apartment (part of the "student village" welcome gift is dust, cement, slurry, plaster and all sorts of construction leftovers...Heart warming really..).
I'm a bit nervous, but mostly excited,(though at the moment still too hungover/drowsy to be troubled by any emotion..), I know it's going to be a challenging week, filled with new, unfamiliar things, places, experiences, bureaucracy (argh..), people, weather.. But as soon as I get through those first couple of weeks I'm sure things will be much more flowing and natural (or at least I hope so..).
Still need to set up an internet connection in the apartment, and fix all the things the technicians who were supposed to help, screwed up in the old laptop..The usual..

[ nightface, miketheman and nurint, I hope you'll spare some time to guide me through the obscure roads of Jerusalem, Down the foggy ruins of time..(Far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees..?!?)(Must be the hangover...), and help me get acclimated a bit quicker... :o) ]

Goodluck to all of us,
Next post, hopefully, in Jerusalem... :)

Must go pack!!!

Sweet Opium perhaps, from my insomnia deliver..

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 01:41:16 GMT

Mmm...Hearing Dylan's songs (or even just having them playing in my already complex mind..)late at night make me over sentimental and sensitive (that is, even more than I usually am, lately (especially with the recurring insomnia...)
Got so many things on my mind at once and it feels as though they'll never clear up and rearrange in a more conceivable and bearable manner...
I don't seem to be able to express myself as I'd wish lately, I mean, I just have a lot of creative energy sometimes that won't find a productive output, I hardly sing anymore except for rehearsals on Friday (and I missed the last one on account of some nasty 24 virus which attacked my immune system and made everything in my body go loopy .. ), I haven't danced in a while and I haven't been able to get my thoughts in order enough to write a single paragraph (or even a decent sentence..), I feel somewhat like Chris on one "Northern Exposure" episode [brilliant show, btw, to those of you who are not familiar with this golden piece of TV history, one of the rare things that simply shined above all the junk they broadcast on television, like finding a particularly good Bach record in a Brittany spears/Aguilera/…(insert other 'musical' horrors of the kind) store.. Simply genius! ] Where he gets all the word order mixed up…Ah, Chris... In any case, I digress... And I lost my point if I had one to begin with. Oh, right I wanted to say I was so frustrated and artistically and intellectually repressed lately that I even started creating mandalas on Photoshop... It's has a therapeutic edge to it, and a nice work on symmetry and mathematical structures, but I'm still only toying with it on a very simple level, I've yet to try and learn how to do the more complex, cool bits, which takes time, inventive/creative thinking, tolerance and a lot of trial and error…

Oh, god, I must go to bed! I need to get up early tomorrow morning (that is later today), and go do very important arrangements in Jerusalem, and I got about 4 hours left to sleep (Well, probably less…)
Hopefully, after tomorrow, if things will go well, I'll have a lot of weight of my mind and burden off my heart, and will post a lucid (he he; me. Lucid. Right..) , more coherent (or at least more cheerful) update. (Maybe, if I won't be too ashamed of the childish, rustic nature of my first Photoshop experiments, I'll post a coup of Mandalas as well..)

Cryin' mood

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 01:23:46 GMT

Grr..
Being insomniac for about a week now, this is really starting to have a rather disturbing effect on my brain..
Things are fuzzier, and stranger and slower and it's gotten past the amusing bit, now it's just really troubling..
It will pass eventually, but I need to listen to this call, of my body and mind, and help it..
I guess a lot of it is stress, things I avoid thinking about during the day, won't let me sleep at night, I don't meditate, I can't keep focus.. Achh, I must face my damn issues, at least those annoying, pesky ones that just have to be dealt with and done with, sharp and quick like a band-aid, or cheap Vodka..Cause I guess it won't leave me in peace till I do so..

Why do we have to complicate life so much? It just isn't right..

Nya,
Clearer, brighter days will come (hopefully soon..)

Ah, but the music is good..

Humans, Stupid Humans..

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 00:38:48 GMT

And on the lead for title "Stupid humans acts" in today's headlines, racing closely:

Stupid bastards

Delusional, bored idiots

Argh.. So tired..

For better, more enlightened times,

Love you all.

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 15:29:54 GMT

Usually, my policy used to be, if it doesn't come naturally, and writing gets harder, leave it be.
But now I'm not sure if this mood ever going to pass if I won't express myself somehow, I feel stuck.
I don't like it. The air is so still and dense and yucky, and with everything going on, I just feel even stranger, and somewhat helpless, everyone around me is rumbling, talking, alert to every news cast, or phone, and when I happen to open the television, it just makes me either blunt and quirky, or angry and sad and annoyed that I don't do as much as I should, this weekend we had my relatives from Tirat Hacarmel, and they're really good people, and they're the kind that takes things really easily (unlike the relatives on my father's side who have a tendency to totally panic..), and hosting them was actually the one thing this weekend that made me feel better, I entertained them, I even baked a really good (and healthy) cake, and it just made me feel like I was doing something productive that actually helps people a little, not much, but it's something, so I thought about maybe go and volunteer somewhere but I'm not sure where exactly I could really be of use yet..

It's funny, these last few days it feels that there were moments when I had so much to say and had the words for it, and now as I finally sit down, none of it comes to mind, and the small part that does just feels so unnatural and twisted coming out, so hard to let out like metal brick, so clumsy and ungraceful, landing with appaling thud, like an elephant who accidentally stumbles in a Crystal artifacts exhibition given by tiny Ballet dancers to a high society audience on a classy soiree.. (See what I mean..?) That doesn't even make any metaphorical sense (though it tingled my amusement rate lightly..).

Alright, I'll stop now, I wanted to leave you with something nice and comforting but as it seems I don't have enough time and I must go get dressed and get out, like, err, now. I will leave a piece of advice, never download a shockwave sort of game which makes you act as a waitress in a bright gameboy colored world, and then get addicted and see red hearts and Yellow, green and purple people when you close your eyes in the shower..

Just for kicks (My Adidas)

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:54:37 GMT

Damn! got to here some Run-DMC songs yesterday by coincidence, and I don't think I heard any of their stuff since the 90's, and didn't remember much except for like the ones that were MTV hits, so I thought , yeah, they're nice, but mainstream and commercialized. But yesterday's song just got stuck in my head so I got to downloading a few of their songs.. (I didn't even know they had a revised version to Gang Sugarhill's "Rapper's Delight"..(which shouldn't be so surprising since almost every other hip hop/R&B artist refers to it..)

I like it! They have great rhythm, good compilation of voices and music and they make me want to dance! I don't care how mainstream they were, or what it says about my musical taste, they're good!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!!

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 00:19:15 GMT

Grr.. My back hurts again, dammit!
It's the outcome of all that horrid sitting down I did the last couple of days, my spinal cord feels like it twisted and is now tilted to the right, can this possibly happen?
I actually got some rectifying exercise today- went to pilates and got some very needed walking, but I came back home, I sat down, after 8 minutes I'm all aching again.. Must. get. more. exercise. or die...

But as for nicer things: I happened to catch a good movie yesterday, on TV ! "It came from Hollywood" Can't believe I haven't seen it before it's a rather short docu/mockumentary about horror/Sci-fi/Low budget/Just plain bad Hollywood productions, and it has Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Cheech and Chong and Gilda Radner presenting different Themes (course I liked Cheech and Chong's commentary best, but the Ed Wood special tribute made by Dan Aykroyd, wasn't bad at all( mostly because of the film bits themselves though..), It beats "Mystery Science Theater" by far..

Oh, and some people are so good they remember I mentioned briefly I liked something, and next thing you know I get a delivery of Calvin and Hobbes Comic Books.. Which cheered me up so greatly, I decided to share some of the joy of what I could find on the net:
From "Something under the bed is Drooling" Raccoon
Transmogrifier

Random:

Hope it uploads alright..
Huh? What the hell am I still doing up? Sleep. Bed. Now!

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 16:33:23 GMT

So many things happened during this week, but by now it all seems so far behind and rather irrelevant... I actually meant updating since Monday, but somehow, it never happened.. Well, Too many happenings, too little memory (and at the moment, too little verbal ability to go through with them and write them down. But still..
In Brief:

Wow by now it's so far behind, seems like a moth as pat or at least two weeks, guess it has been a rather intensive week, no wonder I my whole system pretty much crashed on Thursday, wait I'm drifting dammit! Damn focus got away again..
Well, we finally had that Japan evening on Sunday, we had some people of importance giving speeches, and his Excellency the Ambassador of Japan even made a quick stop and I think stayed through the whole play some of the students put on (he even laughed.. :) ), it was actually rather good, they wrote a new adaptation to an old children story ("momo-taro"- the peach boy..), and they actually done it pretty well. We also had had Japanese Calligraphy performance by the one and only Kazuo Ishii, which was really nice.. we had a couple more the including Bunbukan Dojo demonstration (mostly dojo practitioners trying hard not to fall of the miniature stage in the hall, not quite the ultimate place to practice martial arts..), Poetry reading, Haiku contest and some of us (including yours truly) got up and "performed" two songs in Japanese, now the songs were nice, they kind of really grew on me, and I actually learned them, which is not to say this was the case for everybody else though, I think it wasn't completely cacophonous in the end though (mostly because out teacher had the mic, so people in the audience were able to hear her mostly..) and the we had to stand in a row (or something like it..) and dance (well, try to anyway..) the Bon-odori dance.. Was highly amusing and humiliating at once, but it was good!
So, we get out of there and a classmate of mine asks me if I want to join some people and go for a couple of drinks in his place, and since bonding with my classmates off uni is a rare occasion (i.e. living in this hell-hole of a place called Kochav Yair stinks, sucks and blows..), it would be really impolite of me to pass this time.. So we got a small group of people to come to his place including three Japanese people from Uni, was hallucinated and nice.. Especially when one of the jap guys and I started talking about this Japanese drama show from the 80's and how it revolutionized the format of TV drama in Japan.. and everybody started staring at us with a puzzled look on their faces.. Twas funny.

Oh hell, I can't seem to be able to ever complete this entry ( 3 days and a couple of hours afer the previous paragraph..) and what I have originally had to say is mostly gone from me and of no relevance, so lets summarize: Went out drinking, spend a lot more time at uni than usual and heard some interesting, possibly (though not very plausibly) exciting news at Uni, relating to Japan.. (Will write about it when I have time to figure things out..)Went for a beach party (or something of the sort..) on Friday, had one of the Ensemble's strangest performances in Rishon (Sulam Mila! Finalists performance evening or whatever..) on Sunday. Oh, and yesterday there was a most unorganized East-Asian studies conference at Uni, some of which was nice.. and that's about it I think..
Now wasn't that whole paragraph filled with useless, not even somewhat intriguing or amusing information..? Hmm.. Sorry.. And yet I'll abuse the readers of this poor entry (or what's left of you anyhow..) some more and leave you with something I wrote on Wednesday after a serious lack in sleeping hours and a very very long day, and no computer to be found, but two really good Heinlein books (Again, god bless Ilana for giving me a key to her apartment and therefore saving me from endless wandering on the roads, giving me a place to crash at when I most need it ..), so While I'm at her place and the computer is off and I just had one of the most hallucinated and tired days I've had in a long time, and with no computer to entertain brain-dead me, and being too tired to read, I transcribed my hallucinations in writing

Let me sleep,
Let sleep be mine, for brief,
yet precious,
moments.
Let me rest
and recuperate,
And feel alive again,
A whole,
and not just dreaming
In my waking hours,
To be vivid,
Awake.
With all my mind and body and holistic mess..
I miss that sense of grasping, everything,
So fully,
So wonderfully attached.
Aware.
So effortlessly, to all the bandhus,
Or what other name you choose to call them..
Connecting.
To embrace,
So gently
Touching
on the edges...
To which reality am I awoken?

Am I still sleeping?
Or have I slept already and was unaware
of ever waking up,
An emptiness inside this world of dreaming,
Full of careful details, keeps me searching still.
Lead me to the middle way
and I will try and walk it.
Not a great time for a Buddhist dream..

All Apologies..

Got Towel?..

Thu, 25 May 2006 09:23:39 GMT

Happy Towel day!!!!
I think I'm gonna go hitchhike with a towel on my person today.. (used to do it when I was younger, then switched to Longy.. :) )

Bless Douglas..

頭が痛いんですよ

Wed, 03 May 2006 22:08:04 GMT

Tagged by the only and only <eumelia

Comment, and . . .

* I’ll respond with something random I like about you.

* I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

* I’ll name something we should do together.

* I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me).

* I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.

* I’ll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you.

* I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.

* If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal so you can do the same for other people. (last part optional, though it'd be nice)

My whole left side from my temple to myleft hand through my neck and shoulder now hurts, I think it's my sinuses, and I don't want to start taking stupid antibiotics.. Wehh..

Inside, Outside and back again..

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 16:27:48 GMT

Why would they do that?
I go outside today, to our backyard, feed the cats, walk around and head to my favourite tree there, a large, wonderful mulberry tree, and suddenly I feel something's missing, the tree doesn't seem right, and I suddenly get that a whole branch of it, and I don't mean a sprig or a twig that needed to be trimmed, I mean a huge, main branch, one I used to comfortably sit on, was perfectly suitable to strech on and enjoy the great vibes and shade and view, was just so violently cut off, and the poor stump that's left of it, looks so strange and sad.
and it's not like they had to cut it for some practical architectural reason, they could have simply trimmed the top branches if they didn't want it to touch the roof of the house, and it would have been way more practical.
But why, why would they do such a stupid thing as cutting half a tree, a tree they knew was special to me, they could have at least tell me about it.. I don't think they gave it another(/any) thought..

I love that tree,it gave me comfort and shade energies at times I most needed them.
Dammit.

I need to go up north sometime soon..

Wake Up.. ('has this dream stopped'..)

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:11:41 GMT

Ahh.. Woke up this morning (very sluggishly..), pressed on a random button on the disc player, and lied back down on the futon, not sure if the world is slightly tilted, or is my balance still a bit shaky..
People working with Chain-saws(or something) outside in the garden making a lot of noise, When, between the noises, I'm finally starting to realize I'm hearing "Awake",(Jim's not Dream's) I haven't heard "American Prayer" in a long time.. Some awakening..

Still not sure I'm quite woken up yet (and I'm after shower and tea and and all..), but my mom needs my help working on the house Spring+Pesach+insane cleaning, and since we're all alone in the house right now, I can't leave her for more then 5 minutes or I'll start feeling guilty, and the woman doesn't take any rest like normal people sometimes do, she feels she has to do everything by herself all time,and she has to feel like a martyr when doing those things.. So, I have to go back to doing tedious, meticulous chores (Pesach related, I'll explain next time..), in addition to the standard washing and cleaning, which I'm cool with (though I hate detergents and what they make me feel, I think I might get one of those surgeon's masks to put on, and persuade my parents into buying Natural, more ecological cleansers..)

Oh, and some
See, see the Sensitive sky
Marvel at its big onion depths.
Tell me, Hagar do you
Wonder why the roach ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel Blaaah.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your schnauffles facial growth
That looks like
A Goat cheese.
What's more, it knows
Your lubricant potting shed
Smells of pea.
Everything under the big Sensitive sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm Ammonia Inhalants.--

Vogon Poem Generator (from eumelia )

Need more tea..

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 17:08:04 GMT

This week was bad. Just plain annoyingly lethargically and effetely bad.
I had no energies whatsoever.. And couldn't shake myself out of it, and instead of recuperating and reviving as one should after a rest at home, I only find myself more exhausted and drained the longer I stay in this place.. I don't want to mope now, but it's coming out like this anyways, I guess I have to move out sooner than later after all, though it will require a certain amount of emotional/physical energy I'm not sure I fully posses at the moment, but it can no longer wait, I don't like the way things have been this week, it didn't happen to me in a long time, and I liked it that way, and I don't want to have to fight so hard to get out of it again, so, done. Next week is going to be filled with good, healthy, active happenings, and it's all going to be good again (just need some adrenalin, dopamine and vitamin D running in my veins and I'll be just fine.. :) )

So, in any case, I got so bored this week, I actually started reminiscing old T.V shows [since I got so frustrated when I tried to watch T.V (bad move! There is absolutely nothing worth wasting braincells over anymore, it's all crap!)], and got to (desperately trying to) download 2-3rd season x-files episodes, and scrubs.. (not quite successfully I might add, it's taking months to download for some reason..). So one thing lead to another (and boredom+lethargy can lead to very strange things..(i.e hallucinations and strange psychedelic dreams I have experienced this week..) and I don't know why but I got to Sliders somehow, and then I remembered this fanfic I read years ago, I think it was one of the first fanfic-cross-parody I've ever read, and I remembered liking it a lot. So I looked around a little and found it in this site, in the sliders section, it's called: Sliders Meet the X-Files.. Still kinda funny.. :o)
Oh, and while wondering through websites I also came across this article which reminded me I still have to read "Methuselah's Children" so I can understand the references in "The Number of the Beast"..

So many things I've yet to read! There is great joy in the world after all!! :)

"Or maybe it's Fleas!!!"

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 18:52:19 GMT

Ahhh!! Help!!

I got home today surprisingly early and got to see the Yishuv while it's still daylight..
Ate a very strange brunchinner with my parents, and as I got home so early I decided to not be so lazy and start studying now for the test I got on Friday..(With tons of material I remember nothing of and have to get to my brain by Friday morning...). So I'm thinking, won't it be nice to go sit in the attic, nice quiet, soothing, romantic-historic atmosphere ,Twill suit for reviewing occurrences in feudal Japan, right? Sounds like a good idea.. I get there, and the place is rather much like a junk yard, lots of boxes with all sorts of important/not so important papers everywhere (mostly my mom's material from school that got accumulated over the years) and boxes with clothes and toys and whatnot.. But still that's part of the charm isn't it? (Hey, that reminds me of this animated series that was on TV when I was a kid.. What was it called..? "A thousand and one Americas" or something.. I think it was Italian..)Well, I hop over some boxes and find a nice seat on the sofa.. After about 5 minutes of sitting there I'm starting to be itchy, I'm thinking, probably just some spring mosquitos coming from the open window or something and as I'm finally starting to get invested in the material, I suddenly feel my whole body's been beaten brutally and mercilessly, when I realize the place is freaking flea infested, no, it's like an incubator for fleas!! And I was like a gigantic Festive meal, suddenly landing right in the center of things, an all you can eat buffet, Today's special for free. I get out of the cursed attic, shaking and swearing, and I'm all covered with the little buggers, I had to get out of all my clothes throw them to the incinerator (well, actually just the laundry basket but I sure did feel like doing the former..) Got into shower with very hot water in it, tons of soap and shampoo and a very pissed off attitude.. The bastards managed to bite ten different places on my tummy and even got to the area around the neck, and I won't even mention what my legs look like (very very red!).
That's it. I'm not having any more romantic delusions about attics and their scholastic advantages...

This place needs to be disinfested and quick!!!!

And on another note: I gotta move out...

Insomnia..

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 01:38:39 GMT

I should have probably L.J cut most things on this entry, but I'm too tired to deal with anything more than typing (hell, just phrasing this sentence took way too much effort than it should..)
I sure do wish those moments of pure clarity would be longer than 5 minutes (at the longest..), my head's so clouded, or just aching, and when it finally start getting better I get Insomnia.. Since Sunday I haven't been able to sleep more than 3 hours every night and being functioning on insomniac state ever since, hallucinated? You don't want to know how much..I can hardly remember what I've done this week, but, surprisingly, much more than I did 2 weeks ago, and I got 6-7 hours of sleep every night then..
Just when I start realizing I want to feel better, and start taking care of myself, my whole system goes out of balance, my back finally crashes and my hormonal system goes loopy.. But it's ok, I listen to it now, and I can feel again, music gets me to this state of high again, I love that.. When you sense the harmony so perfectly and naturally and the waves of energy just flow, wonderfully, in and out and all around, magnificently changing everything, every second, and I think, why do I spend so much time worrying about how things in my life aren't right, about school, about my parents and their pressures and expectations, about my own, what are my expectations, exactly? What do I really want? How much time have I given thought to that exactly?
I know I want to heal, to help people, I know I should go on and continue learning and practicing alternative/natural/holistic (dangerous title these days since it's being distorted and misused by people because of ignorance..) medicine. But I also want to create, and right now, I'm not sure how, I mean, I know music should be a major part in it, but I'm just so unfocused right now, I don't have that sight, I lack inspiration, and when I finally get it I'm not sure how(/afraid to) deal with it.. But hell, that's life! And they're funny and quirky and sometimes make no sense at all, but then there are times when it all just sits there, and you realize the simplicity of that complex interlace, and you realize just how beautiful it all really is, and it's overwhelming and staggering and it's flooding all your being,
Ahh.. Then there's this life again, in modern, western bourgeois society, and I struggle to find the balance between the two..

There's so many things I was thinking of writing about, since yesterday, about the strange stuff that happens during this week, and the hallucinated conversations I had with people about Indian Philosophy, first love (or something like it) lotuses, Camel lights, Zen Buddhism, Chinese medicine and the different influences cinnamon & garlic has on the spleen.. But now they all seem so out of context and pitiful, so maybe next time..

Music is bliss! Leonard Cohen is achingly good (just heard Sisters of Mercy about an hour ago... brr..). So are the Beatles and Dylan and Rachmaninoff.. And Arlo Guthrie is SWEET!!

Neil Gaiman reads Haaretz?!?

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 11:01:13 GMT

I hardly ever read his entries thoroughly anymore, just scan them briefly (mostly because they're too long and contain mostly responds to comments, which is very sweet indeed on Neil's behalf, only not usally something I'd spend my time on reading..), but as I go through the posts on my friends page, I suddenly, half consciously spot Terry Gilliam's name mentioned, I go back, not only is Gilliam mentioned but I find this link!
I had no idea he's coming to Israel!
And to quote hagar_972 : "Reasons to be happy are reasons to be happy" (are reasons to be happy! :) )

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 19:21:24 GMT

Ah, good, pandora is giving me entertainment and something to play with, while trying to think where I wrote my notes/ideas for a paper I have to write for a lesson in philosophy (Indian philosophy oriented class, talks about Indian Literature and the importance of the language and poetry in India and how it expresses their philosophy of life..) I know I have them somewhere, dammit!

and apparently
I'm not evil..

You Are 16% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

Nya, Nya, Nya. Pandora's playing "I me mine" "Rock & Roll suicide" and good Dylan songs on the Beatles ambiance station.. and I think I like Peter Frampton and Joe South.. Yay Music!!!!